Friday, September 3, 2010

Down, But Not Out

I've been feeling a little down today. Maybe let down would be more accurate. But let me explain. Last night we had a healing service for Gracelyn. We chose to do a healing service based on obedience to James 5:14-15: "Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up."

I was hoping for a miracle...a lame man walking, blind man seeing, walking on water miracle. Instead, Gracelyn woke up at 3:30 a.m. asking to blow her nose. Instead of a miracle, we got a cold. All day, I've been fighting the urge to say, "That's typical. I never get what I ask for." Sounds a little like a spoiled child at Christmas, right? On top of that, I didn't get any time to myself today. Jemma didn't sleep when Gracelyn did, and Gracelyn woke up crying (because of said cold) as soon as Jemma fell asleep.

But maybe, that was exactly what I needed.

I was prompted to grab my Bible as I sat in Gracelyn's room, keeping my child company. And I told her I was going to read to her from Psalms. A friend had given me beautiful verses from Psalm 61 as a comfort for the upcoming weeks. But I also remembered Psalm 23...it beckoned to me, even as I read other verses from multiple other Psalms.

And tears came to my eyes as soon as I read, "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want." Lately, all I've been doing is wanting...for my child...and more selfishly, for me. I want Gracelyn to be well. I want a miracle. I want her healthy. I want order in my life. I want solitude. I want to skip the surgery. I want, I want, I want...

But, if I had gotten all I wanted, I wouldn't have turned to such a beautiful passage. I would have missed the pouring out of the Holy Spirit on my wounded, fearful, childish wants. I would have missed the restoration of my soul.

And so, today I will be thankful because I have everything I need.

Psalm 23: 
"The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You annoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me 
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."



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