Thursday, November 10, 2011

My time to apologize

God has been orchestrating many wonderful things for me this week. I wrote about one event Tuesday...a day marked with spiritual high. And as so often happens, I should have been expecting Satan to hit hard the day after I experienced such a closeness with my Father. But, I was a tad unprepared...especially for the intensity of the attack...starting with waking multiple times with Jemma overnight, then waking grumpy and with a headache yesterday morning, then Jemma got a black eye. All I wanted to do was curl up in a tight ball and sleep away the day.


Instead, I took a friend up on an offer to watch my girls...well, Jemma at least...while I took Gracelyn to library story time. I wasn't up for chasing a toddler in public, not to mention keeping her quiet. All the way to town, I felt compelled to check out a book...fiction please! But I had no idea what was in store as I pulled this book off the shelf:


Shades of Blue
Amazon



I just thought the title was pretty fitting for my mood.


But this book brought together two scriptures: 


"Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it." James 4:17


AND


"So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God." Matthew 5: 23-24


Right now, I long for my life to be my sacrifice. I want to be pleasing to God...everything about me! But there was something about my past that I couldn't shake. And it was driving me crazy. High school presented a lot of baggage for me (I'm sure MANY of us could say that)! The funny thing is, I've put the things DONE to me, behind me. I don't think on those things. God has healed those hurts.


It was my sin against a couple people that I couldn't alleviate. And I was getting frustrated that God wasn't helping me forget. But I wasn't supposed to. And this book blew out to the open the thing I was to do: Ask for forgiveness.


Since leaving SVHS, I've known I needed to ask for forgiveness. But these are the excuses I put up over the course of 10 years:


1. They won't want to hear from me, nor would they be receptive.
2. I need to let the past go.
3. I should wait to apologize in person (nevermind that our paths never cross...)
4. Finally, it's been too long.


But today, I stepped out in obedience to God's word. Yes, in person would have been better than through the computer. But once I realized I was sinning in my lack of apology, I couldn't hold on anymore. I long for reconciliation. I long for the closing words of that chapter of my life to be written (something mentioned in the book). But it's out of my hands now...into the hands of the Father who works all things together for good for the people who love Him.


And I LOVE HIM! So now, I am trusting in his promise.


If you need to reconcile with your brother or sister, please don't wait! Make the choice to obey the WORD. Take that step of obedient faith!



4 comments:

  1. I really appreciate how you share. There have been times that I think about some events in the past that were never resolved, and usually convince myself that it's been so long, and it doesn't really matter anymore.

    I also got a letter from a friend several years ago about a comment she had made, many years before that, apologizing for the situation. I appreciate that she took the time and effort to make it right. It's something I should do also.

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  2. Wow! Praying this is bringing the resolution and healing you need. Proud of you and your honesty!

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  3. Thanks Malinda! This helped me more than you know today!

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  4. Love the James verse. Sometimes it takes a lot of guts to do what you ought to do! Especially apologizing for something so far in the past that you just want to brush under the rug. That's awesome!

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