My blog has been a little quiet lately...but my mind hasn't been. That's how it goes, right? At least as a female, we're always thinking! (Can I get an amen?)
Over the weekend, I received a surprise package in the mail. (It's so fun to get something other than bills!) A friend of mine who has walked through her share of infertility/miscarriage sent me a book called "Hannah's Hope" by Jennifer Saake. I had heard of this book, and had meant to get it, and then it completely fell off my radar...
I started reading right away...and my mind and heart were met with thought-provoking scripture, touching testimonies, true-to-life emotion. It felt wonderful to have my emotions and my grief-process validated!
I'm still working through much of the information I gleaned from those pages, but these are a few things that really stood out.
1. After losing two children, and reading through pages explaining child-loss, I feel much more in-tune to the grief of my own parents, who lost their son (my brother) when he was 10. I wish I could have been more sensitive to their needs when their grief was fresh, but since life is without re-dos, I can do a better job NOW at being protective of their needs and feelings. (P.S., if you know my parents, be sure to pray for them and support them in the upcoming months. The anniversary of my brother's death is New Years Eve, and the holidays in general are always hard. Give them a call. Send them a card. Take them a meal. Buy them flowers. Do something to tell them you've remembered them! If you would like other ideas, or just want to run your ideas by me, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org)
2. My deepest, most heartfelt desire is to please God, no matter what heartache I feel...and the thing I've come up with that I can DO is to share my story with others who are hurting. I want to walk alongside others who are hurting and help lift them up.
3. One Bible passage just won't get out of my head: "Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."" Isaiah 30: 20-21.
I know not all of my readers understand my faith...but I feel compelled to say that without my faith, I would be swimming in a sea of despair and depression, and that's where the Evil One wants me. But, although I am going through adversity, God has promised to hold up those who love him. I have hope in my God because He has promised not to leave me. You, too, can have that HOPE. You, too, can get out of your place of despair. You, too, can know the LOVE of God! No, being a believer does not give you a free pass in this life...in fact, the opposite is true. But I know one thing, through my trials, I have been raised up...and that only comes through the God who loved me so much that he sent his Son to die on the cross to save me from my sin. (If you want to talk about my faith, please contact me at email@example.com)
4. I would love to name my two babies...I'm just hung up on the gender issue. I don't know whether I have girls/boys or one of each in Heaven waiting for me!
***Like I said, these are just a few of my thoughts from the book. If you are struggling with infertility/miscarriage/lost adoption, this a great book to read! If you are someone supporting families through infertility/miscarriage/lost adoption, or are leaders in a church, this book has a "Burden Bearers" section after each chapter...there are tips to help support those who are grieving.