Friday, August 24, 2012

Getting my head on straight

I have a confession. I have been full of impatience.
It all started 3 weeks ago when I was 35 weeks pregnant. Due to severe abdominal pain plus consistent contractions, I went to the hospital overnight to be monitored. Then sent home.

But while there, I realized how absolutely ready I was to have this baby...

So that desire has made the weeks following our "false" labor lower than tolerable for me. I haven't been enjoying anything. I'm not sleeping (too sore & too many bathroom runs)...I'm convinced I will sleep better after baby is here! And to top it off, this last week I have been sick from 9:30-5 or 6 on the dot.

I feel like I'm back in the first trimester, only with a big belly and contractions almost every day.

And never do they progress. It's all just killed my demeanor.

I don't like to complain, and yet that's been the easiest thing to do lately. Complain. And let myself be obsessed with trying to figure out this pregnancy & all the "signs" I have that baby will be here soon.

And he will be...at least in the next couple weeks.

That said, this afternoon I was convicted about my behavior. Oddly enough, from a website forum titled "How many rounds of "false" labor did you have?" (Yes, obsessing!)

This is what one commentator said (her typos):
"With #3, my entire last month was full of false labot like that. I had a 'rough' pregnancy from the start so by this time I was *fed up* I went through a time of depression and rather hated God for it all. I also suffered with anxiety during those false starts. Eventually, I got my head on straight, repented and tryly gave it over to God. That next morning I went into labor..3 hr start to finish :) After a night of nothing, just a good solid rest."

Hmmm...that story sounded familiar. Too familiar. I've had a rough pregnancy. I'm fed up. I've had anxiety. But have I truly "got my head on straight?" Nope.

I've struggled with the timing of this pregnancy. I don't like my due date. In fact, if our second miscarriage last year would have turned out differently, I would have had my baby in July. When Brad could take time off. When my mom was off from school for the summer. And we could have been adjusted before school started.

Instead, I'm due right in the middle of the start of the year...Sept. 8. Brad won't be able to take much time off--if any. My mom won't either. His mom has some time, but she has to work, too...and that all has me worried. I know how tired I am in those first days...and I'm already feeling sorry for myself and for my girls!

So this afternoon was the start of me getting my head on straight. To give my anxiety to Him, who already knows this baby's birth date...a date specially chosen for our baby...even if it wasn't by me!

2 comments:

  1. Hang in there Malinda! Let me know if you need any help with anything!

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  2. I was induced with Sydney, so I didn't know what going into labor felt like, and with Maia, I was convinced for about a month before she was born I was going into labor. The morning of the day I had her, I had cramps that felt like period cramps, along with the contractions I had been having. I'm hoping that will happen again this time so I'll just wait for that crampy feeling and ignore the rest of it :) Maybe I won't be so impatient then. I feel you though, I'm already getting miserable and I'm 2 months behind you! Can't wait to hear when he comes!

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