Last week wasn't the best week. Probably one of the worst I've had for awhile.
My emotions were on overdrive and it was a battle not to let them be in charge. I failed a time or two.
I spent a good portion downcast and on the verge of tears...sometimes sad tears, sometimes stressed tears, sometimes angry tears.
And the temptation to "prove myself" came on strong.
These battles are not new to me. If you've read my blog or my column for awhile, you know I've struggled with depression. With God's help and His insistence on working through the pain, I now know what it's like to live outside the pit. Praise Him! But in moments of intense stress and emotion, it's still easy for me to slip back in. We all have areas like that. So I'm not going to berate myself (which is also a temptation of mine) for slipping.
God sees me through Jesus. He sees me as a treasure. I love that.
But I will not allow myself to justify my disobedience to the Word. Part of my sanctification process has been to fight to process my emotion through what I know from the WORD, not from what I know I FEEL. And the circumstance I've walked this week has been hard for me to stay on this side of righteous. My anger, in particular, has developed a sense of ungratefulness. Things didn't go as I expected, therefore it's easy for me to assume that the "things" must be wrong.
Oh, how easy it is to slip. Can I get an Amen?
But now, after days of processing, praying, confessing, confessing, confessing, where does this lead?
Right into "BE STILL AND KNOW."
Be still and know...God is God. He is bigger than my emotions. Bigger than my circumstances. Bigger than my expectations. Bigger than ME. Most definitely BIGGER than me. (see Psalm 46:10)
Be still and know...God's way brings hope. Through this wrestling, God's cutting off another branch that doesn't bear fruit. Does it hurt? Well, YES! Is it worth it? After following His intense pruning over the last few years, I know it's worth its weight in gold. So, Lord, cut away! (see John 15)
Be still and know...He will be exalted. This whole sanctification process is to bring Him glory. He uses the process to bring me to the place where I say a resounding "YES and AMEN" to Jesus, no matter the emotion or circumstance. (see 2 Cor 1:20)
Be still and know...He is strong in my weakness. Bit by bit, He opens my eyes to my sin and its danger. To places I stumble. To places I fall. To places I slide down into a pit. That's where His power is made perfect. Oh, to glory in my obvious lack, that the power of Christ may rest on me! (see 2 Cor. 12:9)
In this time of packing, negotiating, moving, selling, running from one thing to the next, I need MORE be still, not less. Maybe you do, too?
If you're also in a place of unrest, battle, turmoil, confession, take time to be still and know...we'll go through this cutting/pruning process together!
"Now, all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen." (Eph. 3: 20-21)